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Thursday, 18 June 2009

  • I'm still around...

    So, last month I decided to start a brand new blog. Different site, different content, different focus. Decided to let my "real life" friends know where it is so they can read it.

    Then I realized - I still would like to have a more private, anonymous blog. Sometimes I want to say stuff that might offend a particular person. Sometimes I just have to get stuff off my chest. Sometimes I want to process stuff away from the more public eye. Sometimes it's just a bit easier to be more real when the people reading your thoughts are either those specific people you know you can trust and have let in, or they are random people - out there in cyberspace, people you can't offend, hurt, confuse, and so on.

    So, I'm still here. I'm a mommy now, have been for six months - in case you wanted to know. And given that my life is consumed by this amazing little guy - diapers and baby toys and nursing and tiny little clothes - I'm not necessarily thinking the same kind of "deep, spiritual thoughts" I was two years ago - but I might surprise myself, given the chance. So if I have something I need to say, I'll be saying it here.

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

  • Rant.

    Pardon me while I get this off my chest.

    Don't we have enough Walgreens, Rite Aids, CVS... etc. already? Does every free corner left in peopledom need to be filled with a chain drugstore?

    These stores - which I do admittedly visit on occasion - to have prescriptions filled - drive me bonkers. They are generally messy, poorly staffed, and filled with either way overpriced crap of extremely poor quality or way overpriced goods you could (and should) be purchasing at your local grocery store. Either way, it's a total ripoff for the consumer. And furthermore, how is it they can get away with calling themselves "drugstores" anyway when 75% of the stuff on their shelves bears no resemblance whatsoever to a drug?

    So yeah, if you're out there, whoever you are - will you stop building more of your stores on every available street corner already? I think the general population has sufficient access to getting their prescriptions filled.

    And while you're at it, how about asking Trader Joe's if they'd like to put a store in Grand Rapids, Michigan instead?


Monday, 10 March 2008

  • Inertia

    So, yes. I have a big case of it.

    I couldn't tell you exactly why my blogging is so irregular these days. I still spend a decent amount of time in front of the computer - especially editing photos and posting them on Flickr. But I just don't blog like I used to. I don't even read them like I used to. (sorry)

    Maybe some of my blogging when I lived in Cleveland was for sanity - maybe some was out of boredom. I didn't really have a real community to talk with there, and the church and job there was difficult sometimes. Blogging in relative anonymity may have been a safe place to write some things then. And, sometimes it definitely was more fun than other tasks I had to do.

    I think about things that I'd like to write about fairly regularly - I just don't do it. I almost do it a lot. But I most always put it off. Some other things that have been important to me are in that same status right now - playing my guitar, reading books on spirituality... I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's just the season I'm in right now or if I need to "get my butt in gear" and be more disciplined. Hard to say. I'm loving worship gatherings, I'm stimulated and challenged by the messages, I discuss them with my husband and my house church, I spend time in prayer almost every morning as I drive to the Y to exercise... It's just that some things have shifted.

    Last week I pondered trying to blog every day - somewhat stream of consciousness - just to get back in the habit and to see what came out. I might still try that - I don't know. I think at times I'm just too hard on myself - I want people to read what I write, and I thus want what I write to be worth reading.

    So anyway, I'm still around. Just an object at rest tending to stay at rest at the moment.



    PS - But hey, I have a new profile pic - that's a start, right?


Friday, 15 February 2008

  • The Beauty Around Us

    Yesterday I had some friends over for a viewing of Rob Bell's "Everything is Spiritual" tour message on DVD. He packs so much into 75 minutes that there's always something that catches my attention in a new way, even though I've seen it several times before, including live. We talked about the things that stuck out to each of us afterwards, including one of the main and final points of the message - that you will find what you're looking for. If you're looking for God, you will find God. Everywhere. All around you.

    I was reminded of a Henri Nouwen quote I'd read that day:

    We don't have to go far to find the treasure we are seeking. There is beauty and goodness right where we are. And only when we can see the beauty and goodness that are close by can we recognize beauty and goodness on our travels far and wide. There are trees and flowers to enjoy, paintings and sculptures to admire; most of all there are people who smile, play, and show kindness and gentleness. They are all around us, to be recognized as free gifts to receive in gratitude.

    This really is significant in so many ways. It is a reminder to me that what we see is indeed a choice. I can be dissatisfied with the people around me and focus on their shortcomings, or I can choose to see the beauty inherent in all my relationships - even the difficult ones. We can spend our time grumbling about the weak points and frustrating issues in our churches, jobs, and even leisure activities, or we can celebrate the joy and blessings found in each area of our lives.

    I've struggled many times to keep this focus. But I know that losing it usually winds me into a downward cycle of seeing something wrong with everything. Likewise, the more I see the good and the God in every aspect of my life and relationships, the more good and God there is to find.

    My big hobby right now is photography. I think it's a way I like to find and reflect God in the world of nature. And as much as I love to look at the photos of grand mountain vistas and spectacular sunsets in exotic places, Nouwen's words are equally true in that if I can't find beauty in my little 30-mile radius of West Michigan, I really won't find it no matter where I go. So I seek to capture the beauty where I live: from the cats in my house to the corn fields down the road to the lighthouses on the shore (though I will admit to being a little partial to the cats and lighthouses). And that is good.




Wednesday, 06 February 2008

  • Ash Wednesday

    Remember, dust you are and to dust you shall return.

    I love Henri Nouwen. A reading from his writing in today's Ash Wednesday service expressed my feelings so well - that it seems like Christmas is only just over and there should be a few more weeks before Lent begins. But nonetheless, Lent is here and it is always good timing.

    Today at times I found myself wishing it were Ash Wednesday every day. To be reminded of the frailty of my own life by an ashen cross placed on the source of my pride and self-importance was sobering. I realized that some of my biggest failings in relationships with other people stem from some deep convictions that I am better than they. I often think I am worth more - even if those words never really cross my mind. Patience, compassion, grace, generosity - these qualities are easily squashed by their ugly counterparts.

    But the blessing of the ashes on my head today was that in a few moments throughout the day, as I absentmindedly scratched my forehead, blackened fingernail tips served as gentle admonitions that my life is no more or less valuable than that of anyone else. And I only wish I could have such visible reminders every day.

    Create in me a pure heart, O God.
    And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
    Psalm 51:10



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